I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
please don't ironically join a cult
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