I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
