Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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