If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
