Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
