dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Four minutes until I can fart!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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