Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
