think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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