Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
