I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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