I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
