the condom got lost in my hair
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it penis luge time yet?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I AM VODKA MAN
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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