I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
