ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
its liver damage thursday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
