Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
