Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
