Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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