You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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