Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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