I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
