I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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