You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
