If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
