did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
