Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
