i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I checked into jail on foursquare
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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