How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
