fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
