both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
