How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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