Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
