that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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