Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
