I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
