I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
