like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is wine microwaveable?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
