Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
