so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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