You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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