Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
