i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
