why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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