jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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