I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
