not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
