I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
as a side note pls kill me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
