so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
