Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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