fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize