Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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