Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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