call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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