Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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