apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
