I'm lost and stupid without you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
