so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
